An apology to my Sisters!
“Success isn’t about how much money you make, it’s about the difference you make in people’s life”. Michelle Obama
As far back as I can remember, my beloved grandmother spoke life into the hopes and dreams she envisioned for my life. Grandma wanted a life for me that she witnessed while working as a domestic for a prominent family in Ohio. My grandparents were married for over 65 years, with unwavering commitment to her husband and family, grandma proudly upheld the position of wife and mother. As a young girl, my Saturdays often consisted of shadowing my grandmother while she completed housework. All the while, grandma shared many life lessons but most importantly set the ground work for my relationship with GOD. Grandma stressed the importance of being an independent, not dependant woman. During these Saturday sermons, I sensed from my grandmother’s words an unfulfilled yearning she had tasked me to fulfill for her. Grandma expected me to do more, be more and to gain more exposure of the world. My grandmother’s influence manifested in all areas of my life. One mantra she repeated often was “God Bless the child that has her own”.
I guess one could say I am a Type A personality. Hard working, driven and assertive, I believed I could do anything and be anything I wanted to be. All the while hearing my grandmother’s voice in my head, “God Bless the child that has her own”. On my quest to have my own, there have been some challenging life lessons. My younger professional self volunteered for the projects no one else wanted, put in the longer hours, became skillful with office politics in my quest to have my own. This commitment came at a cost, regrettably to the detriment of my fellow female colleagues.
In my early career, I am ashamed to admit I was not always empathetic towards working mothers as they grappled with childcare matters and last minute time off request to care for sick children. My younger self questioned their professional commitment when unable to accommodate an unscheduled travel request or join the Team for after work events. My younger, self-absorbed self was focused on the end result and wanted a Team that was equally committed and willing to give 110%.
The vision of my former self-absorbed self came crashing back to me after reading an article written by Katherine Zaleski, President of the company PowerToFly. The company is the first global platform matching woman in highly skilled positions who do their work from home, if they choose. In the article, Katherine states how embarrassed she is to admit that in her twenties, she too had committed infractions against working mothers. Katherine shares that she said nothing when male & female colleagues grilled female candidates during interviews about their ability to juggle job demands and her children. Silently, Katherine said nothing when her colleagues made employment decisions based on their perception about when a woman would begin having children. Katherine, much like my former self, failed to realize how horrible she had been to mothers in the workplace until she had a child of her own. Like many new mothers faced with the new realities after giving birth, there comes the time when the decision to return to work or become a stay at home mom has to be made.
Nine years ago, I became a mother to twin boys and my ideals regarding motherhood, womanhood and professionalism changed dramatically. Fortunately, there are now workplace options that offer working mothers and father’s flexibility to remain in the workforce, if they choose. Telecommuting, compressed work weeks and other alternative work arrangements all support research that shows offering employees flexibility increases employee satisfaction and productivity.
Today, I choose to proudly uphold the position of motherhood. I also choose to accept my position as a wife, sister, friend, working mother and constant learner. Thankful for God’s grace and patience as I strive daily to become a more enlightened, kinder woman that realizes her bliss comes from loving, sharing and empowering others.